I don’t like giving people that much power over me. That’s why I don’t’ want to attach myself that much because when I do, I always end up feeling vulnerable. And I don’t want people to see that side of me.
This will probably be the longest time that I’ll be away from home. Two months. I try to repeat it every once in awhile hoping that it’ll finally sink in but it hasn’t. Not even a bit. It feels weird because I’m used to being away from home because of the trainings and seminars that I participate in. But this time it just feels different. For the first time in my life I can feel the loneliness of being far from the people you love. For the first time I can feel like i’m missing out on things. I can feel people drifting away and I can see that they are happy with that.
And I try to be happy for them as well.
It has always been like that.
Reblogging this for fun. :-) Sana ay may ma cross out na ulit dito.
My Mom and I had a little conversation about the things I want to do in my life. I told her that I want to make the most out of it. I want to go on adventures, learn new stuff and do certain things. So in order to keep track of all the things I want to do, I decided to make my own bucketlist. I hope to accomplish everything in this list. :)
It’s when you know something very important- something others don’t know that you tend to question the fairness of this world. When you say something about it you’ll end up looking bitter. When you keep mum about it, you’ll be as naive as everyone else. Hypocrites are everywhere. They tell you things you want to hear and keep their agenda hidden. They’re foolish people taking advantage of your innocence. It’s simply frustrating and very disappointing in my part and also to those who seek the truth.
Here’s to the lack of better judgement that people have settled for.
Three years ago, I entered the university with the sole desire of graduating as Cum Laude. It sounded so good to me, as if it was music to my ears. MONTALLANA, INY M. Cum Laude. The idea may sound silly, but still it was attainable. And from that day forward, I decided that I would focus on my academics. But it only took a few weeks before the opportunities started coming. I don’t know what happened or how it happened, before I knew it, I was taking a completely different path.
Based on the things happening today. Do you think, it was right to end your last relationship?
Definitely. :) I’m happier nowadays and I believe the end of our relationship paved way for my growth. Some say it was my defense mechanism, being a workaholic and focusing on extra curricular and my academics instead of investing time with me lovelife.I don’t know what it is but I just feel happier and lighter and more mature. :) SO I think it was a good decision
what happened to your last commited relationship? Why did it end?
It wasn’t healthy anymore. We were fighting over the smallest things and we wanted different things too. Instead of growing together, we were hurting each other. We couldn’t get along. We were good friends, but we were not good in being in a relationship. So nawala na lang siya, kahit kakasimula pa lang.
People may not understand where I’m coming from, but right now, all I want is something long term. I want something that can last through time. I want someone who will stay.I know I’m too young to think of future possibilities, but I don’t want to invest on things that i’ll be losing in the end. I want things that I can keep. I want a relationship that would outlast everything. It may scare people off, i mean, napakaidealistic, right? But I believe if two people really want to be in a relationship, they should not just settle with the present, but they should also consider future plans. In God’s perfect time, I know i’ll meet the right person who will share the same vision as mine.
The more I think about it, the more I feel scared. It’s not the idea of the future that scares me, it’s the idea of changing. What if I change and I lose important people? or what if these important people change and I lose them? I have many questions, i have my doubts, and right now all I want is someone who can assure me that it’s going to be okay. I try to assess my life and think of all the things that I want to do. I try to recall if there are people I want to make amends with. Or if there are things I want to say. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons why I’m scared. What if I miss out in important things in my life because i’m too consumed with the idea of the future? I do want to be open about my feelings, but there’s just something that’s holding me back.
It's when I'm standing six feet away from you and not being able to find the words to tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you that I want to just scream to the whole room that I'm still in love with you. It's when I'm sitting alone with the phone in my hand dialing your number and hanging up that I would trade a thousand tomorrows for just one yesterday. Then I could just call you to tell you goodnight. It's when I am really sad about something and need someone to talk to that I realize you're the only one who really knew me at all. It's when I cry myself to sleep at night and it hits me how much I would give to hold you at that very moment. It's when I think about you that I realize no one else in the world is meant for me.”
March 17, 2014- The day I accepted the Outstanding Student Award from the College of Arts and Letters Admin. Aside from that I was recognized for representing the college in various conventions, kasama na ang pag ka elect ko as Chairman of PACS- Luzon. Napuno man ng luha ang aking speech, masaya pa din ako dahil naiparating ko sa ibang tao ang taos puso kong pasasalamat sakanila. AT!!! Ngayon ko lang din napansin, may mali sa certi na binigay nila sakin. Haha. Hanapin ang mali.
Back in my freshman year, I also attended the CAL Recognition day program. The outstanding student back then was Ate Patrixia Santos, one of my friends, who was also a Peer Counselor and the guest speaker was no other than, Miss Universe 4th Runner up, Ms. Maria Venus Raj who was also a proud CALiber and a Cum Laude back in her college days. I was truly inspired by these two ladies. Right then and there, I said to myself, one day, I will also be like them.
Then I asked myself, what should I do? Naisip ko, ang common denominator ni Ate Pat and Ms. Venus Raj ay parehas silang beauty queen. Does this mean mag papageant na din ako? I brushed off the idea. No, I can’t join beauty pageants. Napagisip isip ko noon na, if there’s something I have that they also have, it is the big dream and the guts to pursue that dream. My mentors, would often tell me, when you dream, dream big. And boy did I have big dreams. This used to be my dream, and now, I am proud to say, I’m living my dream.
Today is a special day. Not only because it’s my Father’s birthday, but also because it’s the day where we can finally start living our dream. Today is the day that all our hard work will be recognized and rewarded. And today is the day that I will receive my award as the outstanding student of the College of Arts and Letters.
Those gifted with the power of speech and has developed a sense of confidence in themselves should use this talent to inspire other people, defend those abused, and influence others to be better citizens of the planet. We are here to uphold what is right and just. We are not here to take others for granted or to show that we are better than them.
This one’s a line from the movie we watched yesterday, The Art of Getting By. I don’t want to spoil the story (in case you haven’t watch it yet) so I’ll just focus on this line by Sally Howe. Looking at a boy-girl friendship.
Perhaps everyone of us has that one friend whom we can completely trust and be comfortable with. Someone we can talk to about anything, be it personal issues or just normal chit chats. Someone who accepts us, despite our many imperfections. Someone who understands us in every way possible. Someone who will stay with us, even when our actions seem like driving them away. And someone who we can call “REAL Friend”.
We might not have lots of them, but having just one real friend is enough. They’re genuine people, and seldom do we find another one like them. I’ve read a quote before saying “True Friends are like diamonds, precious and rare” and I guess that speaks a lot about friends. Anyone can have acquaintances, colleagues, or friends, but not all can have TRUE Friends. They are that important.
But not everything in this world is permanent right? Things come up and sometimes our relationships with these special people in our lives are stained. We lose control of our emotions and this causes us to lose the important people too. There are many reasons why we lose our true friends. But I’d just focus on this one, because it’s related to the movie.
I guess we’re not new to the idea of falling in love. Thing is, when you fall for someone, anyone, you just feel it. But when it’s for a person you are close with, your true friend, best friend, close friend or whatever you call it, you do your best to avoid it. You deny the feelings because you don’t want to ruin your relationship with that person. And I can’t blame you for that. Sometimes it’s hard to have a romantic relationship with a friend because you’re risking your friendship. I’ve been in that situation and I tell you the risk is not worth it.
You might agree or disagree with me, but i stand for what I said. Romantic relationships are complicated, and the good thing about having a true friend is that when your relationship with that special someone falls, you still have good friends who would cheer you up. But that wouldn’t be the case if you have a relationship with your friend right?
And I’m not saying that Friends don’t fight each other. But unlike couples, friends eventually settle issues faster than them. I don’t think any romantic relationship can equal a genuine friendship. That’s why I won’t sacrifice friendship for petty feelings. Especially if those feelings are just temporary. You know, our emotions can be heightened by abrupt events. Just because you feel something, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s love(the romantic one).
Relationships come and go, but true friends stay.
Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not saying that falling for a friend, or having a relationship with one is wrong. It’s not. But I’m telling you it would be hard. And when things go wrong or when they go the other way, You can’t simply put things back to how it used to be. Truth is, you can’t bring back your old relationship with that person. If you’re unlucky you would just be strangers or acquaintances. But if not, you would have a relationship that’s a lot stronger than the one before. I just wish you have the latter one.
Just because people look good together, doesn't mean they should be together. And just because they're dysfunctional together, doesn't mean their relationship can no longer work. Sometimes love exists in places few people seek.
My ideal relationship is one that’s filled with adventures, complete with happiness and heartbreaks and bound by our imperfections. I don’t need a guy to complete me. I need someone to compliment me and maybe challenge me at times. We may not agree on things, and it’s okay. We may not see each other every day, and it’s okay. We may not talk every time, and still it would be okay. Because the times we spend together would be more than enough, enough to even cover the times we’d spend apart. I would have my personal space, he would have his own. I want us to keep our own identity while growing together as a couple. I don’t want to dictate him with the things he should and should not do. But I want him to know the things I don’t like and initiate on his own. I, on the other hand, would not want to be dictated by others, let alone be dictated by a guy (feminist instincts) that’s why I refuse to be dictated by him. But if there’s one thing I can do, that is to listen to him. We will not impose rules on each other because we’re wise enough to know what the other wants. We would look good together. Not because we’re PDA, but because we’re true to ourselves. We will accept each other’s imperfections and try to fill out each other’s shortcomings. We would not dream of forever, but we would work on it every day. We would have good and bad days and we’ll love each other no matter what. We will argue about religion and politics, we will get into fights, big and small ones. But we will never lose hope. We will surprise each other with big and even intimate gestures. We will never be the boring couple or be the couple that loses themselves to indifference. We’ll go on adventures, lots of it. And we will go to places. We’ll create many memories and we’ll make every moment count.
Because when the right guy comes, the ideal relationship won’t be too far fetched. It may be idealistic, but I’m willing to wait patiently for it. Because these are the things that are definitely worth keeping.
Here are the things, mostly cliche, that I don’t believe in and that has left me wondering why they even exist.
I don’t believe in love at first sight. Love goes beyond the physical appearances of people. You could be attracted to someone without falling in love with him/her. But you can always love someone without completely being attracted to him/her. I think people should love with their hearts, not with their eyes. Because our eyes can deceive us from time to time.
I don’t believe in the saying “first love never dies” Love is not a race on who would be the first boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes true love can be found somewhere in the middle even the last. But it’s not about who you’re with now or who you were with in the past, It’s about who you’re with the last. Because if the love you share is not genuine. then it wouldn’t definitely last. I fell in love once, and I’m still waiting to fall in love again. I know in my heart I have moved on and that I’m no longer infatuated with that person before.
I no longer don’t believe in daysaries/monthsaries/special love holidays. Yes, once upon a time in my life I did celebrate monthsaries with my special someone but if I could just take it back I would because that was so childish. Love should not be measured by the days you spend together, it’s measured by the things that you have shared. Counting the days that you’re together is like having a countdown of you’re relationship. Like waiting for a time bomb to explode, like waiting for a deadline- an expiration date. People should just let Love work on its magic and savor the moments that they are together. Besides, love doesn’t require a specific date for you to show someone how you feel.
I don’t believe in Valentine’s. This is quite debatable since I do celebrate Valentine’s with people I love. My friends to be specific. But still, I think giving out flowers, chocolates and stuffed toys on Valentine’s is just an excuse people use to spend some money and gain “pogi points” for the ladies. Others just celebrate it because everyone else does. I mean, if you have genuine love for someone, then show them you love them on an ordinary day. Valentine’s is not a holiday for couples to celebrate and single people to curse. In fact, it’s not even a holiday,for me it’s just another normal day.
I don’t believe in soul mates. There’s no such thing as a perfect match. There will come a time that you would love someone whom you would disagree and fight with. You would be dysfunctional together- but that’s okay. You would love each other still. Because that’s true love. We keep on picturing our soul mates thinking that they are like this and that, that you will be doing this and that. But I think the more we think of our soul mates the lesser our chances of finding them. There is no perfect match for us, just the right person.
I don’t believe in “forever”. I explained it (here) before. Forever is not a promise we make.It is something we act on everyday. That is why I don’t believe people who claim to love someone forever because it has infinite possibilities. And in that infinity, problems and break ups will eventually arise. Every day should be considered as a forever for the both of you.
I don’t believe in SWEET words and promises. "I will wait for you." "I’ll love you forever" "You will always be the one" — Obviously these statements have been abused for quite some time now. Yes it may sound nice but i’ve heard it before and no one stood by what they said so I don’t believe in it anymore. Not to sound bitter or anything, but it would be better if people just did it instead of just promising anything.
But if there’s something I believe in, it would be LOVE. Genuine love. I don’t believe in the things stated above because for me, those are just add-ons. They do not give meaning to love. They do not give justice to love. It just complicates the true essence of love. Love is supposed to be a great thing yet people throw it away like it’s nothing. Love in its simplest form can be found in the simple actions one makes. It does not require grand romantic gestures. It does not require a formula to make it work. It does not require standards or physical abilities. It only requires a sincere heart. A heart that will do, not a heart that will say. Because we love with actions, not with words. A lot of people forget that. They attach different things to love- dates, standards, flowers, promises, chocolates etc. but love is not felt with the day you spend or the things you receive, It is felt with the sincerity in your actions.
Some people are wondering why it’s so hard for me to open my heart to someone new. I guess, you can find the answers here. I am not opening my heart to anyone right now because no one has shown me true love yet. If I would love again, I want it to be someone who has understood me and my idea of love. Because I love love. And I don’t want anyone to mess it up for me.
People might not know it, but there is this ongoing discrimination in the students of certain courses in some colleges. Students belittle their fellow students from other courses just because *insert reasons here*. You may not be aware of it, but this is what I have observed in my first year in College. By all means, read on.
I am taking up Bachelor of Arts in Broadcasting in Bicol University. And I am proud to say that it was my first choice when I passed my application form in BU. I passed my entrance exam with flying colors, and I even ranked 3rd in our course. I have blockmates who could really speak well and can write good news articles. But even if we do well in our course, people from other courses look at us as if we are a joke. They think those in our college (College of Arts and Letters) are inferior to them just because we don’t have our Math/Science as major subjects. Pathetic idea you might say, but no, this is actually happening.
I live in a generation which mostly considers the people who study things with numbers, figures and a lot of words (does a lot of memorizing), smart. I mean, yes, they are smart indeed. But what about those who study literature, arts, reasoning and the like, what do you call them, dumb? Or do you call them something a lot milder than dumb, but still not good enough as those who are smart? I have no problem about students who take up Bachelor of Science courses. To be honest, I think they really are intelligent people. But those who take up Bachelor of Arts courses are as equally smart as they are. Intelligence should not be based on the course one is taking up.
Some people look at students with AB courses as if they are inferior to them. We may not be majoring in Math or Science, but we still study them. They are still part of our core subjects so we are not as dumb as what you think we are. And just because we are in an AB course, doesn’t mean that we had no choice. Most students actually chose AB courses because it’s what they want to study. They, or should I say we, are passionate about it so you don’t have to label us with inappropriate things.
All of us are students so you can’t actually say that we AB students are having easier college academic lives than you are. You might have a hard time memorizing names or computing numbers, but we are also having a hard time writing things, reading and explaining it. Every student is entitled to complain once in a while, because everyone can experience having a hard time in school.
At the end of the day, whether you are in a BS or an AB course, you are all students who chose a course that you think would best fit YOU. I intentionally wrote it in all caps because I want to make it clear that other people’s courses are no longer your concern. They chose their course, you chose yours. So you don’t have to meddle with them. If you don’t like your course then you will really have a hard time studying it, but if you love it, you would learn to embrace the hardships and gain more passion in taking it up. And in my case, passion to even fight for it.
PS. I have nothing against students who take up a BS course. If that’s what you really like, then go for it. I know that there are a lot of people who do well in their Bachelor of Science courses. I did not write this to stain the good name of BS students. I just wrote it to speak for the students in AB courses who are being continuously criticized by students and even professors. I hope that this would serve as an eye-opener to people who discriminates students directly and indirectly. No course is inferior or superior. They are of equal importance that’s why they are being offered by schools.
And for the students who are taking up or who plans on taking up an AB course, never let the negative connotations hinder you from studying the course that you actually want.
I know I’m not the smartest, but I’m definitely not dumb. And if there’s one thing I want to do, that is to look out for myself so that I don’t get hurt. I don’t want to experience the same thing that has caused me pain. Who would even want that? Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I over think and I always end up having presumptions. It’s difficult, you know? Like every time you’d like to try something new and give something or someone a shot you’ll always compare the experience to something you’ve once felt and you’d compare it to the road you’ve once walked in and then you’ll just back out. You’ll back out because you know how things will go and how it would end. People say that I’m one of the bravest people that they have ever met, but i’d like to think otherwise. I’m not saying it because of self-pity, I’m saying it because I really think, that in most aspects, i’m one of the most cowardly people ever to have existed on earth. And in order to secure myself from the dangers of the world, I’ll just stay here and avoid the things that would often lead me to the same heartbreak I’ve experienced a few years back. Sure I can manage other things, but when we talk about things like these, I’d rather stay in my comfort zone. I’ll stay here until someone can finally convince me it’s okay to try something new. Until someone can also look out for me.
Prior to this post, I was trying to recall my past experiences as a student leader in the university. I can’t believe that it has already been three years since I first started my journey as a student leader. Indeed, a lot of things happened, most of them were unplanned, and yet here I am, still doing the same thing that has brought joy and tears in my life. Whenever I think about it, I can’t believe it has been three years already. Some of my friends would often tell me, maybe the reason why I’m not in a relationship is because I have committed myself fully to the council. Three years of committing myself in a council that has given me bittersweet memories. And now, I don’t know if I’m ready to let go.
When I lost the election, I did not cry because someone else won. I cried because I don’t think I was ready to let go of the council. I cried because people cried for my loss, and I believe they felt how hard it was for me to see someone else lead the council that I have loved for the past three years. I was not devastated, but I was not okay either. Still, I kept my feelings to myself because I wanted to be strong for others. I was very vocal about my love for the council. I love the council not because of the perks but because it loved me back. The officers loved me back. The students loved me back. The work, no matter how stressful it was, I felt that it loved me back (because it clung to me almost everywhere I go LOL). Some people may not understand it, but it takes a great deal of passion, commitment, discipline and determination to last in the council. And most of all, the council requires the heart of a student leader to bring it to life. I believe I possessed it all, but still like any other love story, someone had to face rejection. I guess for this story, it was me who got rejected.
The only thing that’s keeping me sane after everything that happened is the students. A great number of students and student leaders are still here to support me. They still love me, even though I feel that I am in my most unlovable state. When you think about it, I’m still the loser. Even if they say “you’re my chairperson”, it won’t change the fact that I still lost. But then I remember, someone told me that anyone can deal with victory, but only the mighty can bear defeat. And it enlightens my mind, and eases the pain in my heart.
There are nights when I would ask myself, had I played differently, would I have won the battle? But then I know it would be a waste of time since there’s nothing I can do about it now. The only thing left for me to do is to accept and let go. I’m happy that I’m ending this chapter with a lighter heart because I know I did everything I can to defend the council that I love. Not because I’m loyal to it, but because the council is something you fight for until the very end. I’m happy that I’m ending this chapter without bringing other people down or without spreading false rumors. I’m happy that I’m ending this chapter without insulting other people or the council itself. I’m happy that i’m ending this chapter without tearing the hearts of others or dividing the group. I’m happy that I’m ending this chapter knowing that I played a part in uniting the student leaders from different parties. I’m happy that I’m ending this chapter knowing that I fought not just for the ordinary students but for all the students, including the student leaders of this university.
I have invested three years of my life in the council. And I have worked hard to be in this place. No one can take that away from me. But maybe in the next academic year, it’s time for me to invest in something else. It’s time for me to let go. But letting go does not necessarily mean forgetting. The council will always have a special place in my heart. And as the line from the movie goes, “I can never unlove you. I just love you in a different way now”. This is not the time for good bye, but it’s time for me to move on. I believe it’s time for me to dream another dream. It’s my last year and maybe I should focus on myself. I don’t know. But one thing’s for sure, I may have lost in my bid, but I am never defeated. You can still see me elsewhere, I still don’t know where, but I know you’ll see more of me.
To end this, I would like to share to you my short conversation with one of my Seniors. I asked him, "Do you think Bicol University will remember me?”, and he answered, “They will remember you- even in the years to come”.
The best way to resolve a conflict is to address the people concerned. The best way to calm your mind is to talk about the things that bother you. And the best way to maintain a healthy relationship is to communicate.
I have with me supportive mentors, hardworking colleagues and promising student leaders, what else should I fear? Every night I repeat that question. What else should I fear? I may not be the smartest nor the best person in the room, but I can only give my sincerest support to my co-reformists and most genuine intentions to the students of our university. And I know speaking about it might not sound like a humble thing to do, but when you’re overwhelmed, you don’t really mind saying what it is inside your head. I am thankful for every single day that I get to spend with my fellow student leaders. I myself am inadequate, but with our joint efforts, I can feel the overflowing greatness. Greatness that is not meant to be boast, but to be shared to others. The essence of leadership is not to put yourself at the pedestal, but to be beside others, guiding them, pushing them and empowering them. I am not scared of facing tomorrow because I know I am not alone in this battle.
I just feel thankful. Thank you Lord for this blessing. Thank you for my slate. Thank you for our party. I surrender everything to you O Lord. Let thy will be done/.