I can talk in front of a crowd, I can make an impromptu speech, I can even answer a question spontaneously yet I will always find it difficult to talk about the way I feel about someone, especially when it comes to you. I used to be the type of person who can speak out her mind and be firm with her decisions, but when it comes to you, I always seem to falter.
Despite being open in sharing my opinion about certain issues, I will always find myself holding back whenever I’m supposed to open up about my feelings for you. I’m not usually “open” when it comes to those kind of stuff. Believe it or not, I’m a reserved person, at least when it’s about my personal relationships. I get shy whenever people ask me about how I feel so I usually avoid those kind of conversation. But then again, you have this certain hold in my life that I can’t seem to brush off. That’s when I realized how much you make me feel vulnerable. And to be honest, I never felt this vulnerable for a very long time.
Others have tried to win me over, but it’s only you who captured my heart. It’s not something I say every day, but I definitely mean it every single time. And though I am not sure of what the future may hold, I’m just thankful that I won’t be facing it alone anymore. Thank you for giving me a new perspective. Thank you for proving me wrong when I said “all men are the same” and thank you for staying despite my deliberate actions to drive you away. It’s not easy dealing with a person who is as unpredictable and unstable as me, and yet you’ve been very understanding. And that’s one of the things that make me certain that you’re someone worth keeping.
I won’t be counting the days, i’ll just make each one count. Because I think I finally got it right this time around.
To be honest, I already forgot the last time I felt this happy with someone. And just when I thought something good is really happening around me, it was quickly overshadowed by some problems with other people. Why do I feel like the whole world is constantly conspiring for me to lose the happiness that I think I deserve years ago? Why do I always feel like the last person out?
This is the first event of LLR Reporma as a University Based Organization.
It just so happened that I was the executive head of the said event.
The activities for the day were simple and it didn’t require much man power. It didn’t cost much too. We just had our free hugs campaign, hello stranger campaign (we gave out small papers with quotes in it), and the freedom wall, something I want to call, “friend shoutout”. For most of the day, we just greeted the people we encountered and we encouraged students to greet their friends as well by posting a shout out. So technically, parang wala lang yung event. Wala lang na tipong ang simple niya lang. But just because it wasn’t that big, doesn’t mean it wasn’t successful. I’d like to believe that the event was a success because we were able to deliver the message that we want. That is to give importance to the relationships, especially the friendship, that we have.
Just like the event, some relationships may be small, but it has a big impact in our lives. Just a simple Hello from a friend can turn a frown to a smile. Just a simple hug from a friend can make all the difference. It feels so great to have a friend. And I know it’s quite late, but I’d still like to greet ALL my friends, happy friendship day. :)
I would like to believe that out there exists a parallel universe wherein we all have our counterparts. Though I don’t have any scientific basis to prove my point (I don’t think there’s any), I just like the idea that maybe someone out there is also thinking of me and perhaps debating about my existence. Maybe in that universe, we all have found the right person for us and that maybe we’re already living the big dream that we’ve all wanted in this universe. Whatever exists in that universe, will soon exist in our world. The world is slowly conspiring for the right time and right place for us to meet the right person. The people whom we are bound to share our future and live our biggest dreams with. I believe kismet has its way of letting people meet. Though it sounds a little demented, I believe that whatever hopes I have for my future is partially influenced by my what is happening in a parallel universe.
The world is full of wonders. And even with the advent of technology, I know that there are still things that cannot be explained by science. But even if it’s not explainable by any rational thinking, I still believe that the parallel universe exists. Perhaps not in the bigger picture, but in my heart. And I find comfort into thinking that I have this little world of mine where everything is better and anything is possible. It may sound a little twisted, but the world is already twisted on its own and yet we still live in it.
It’s been awhile since I last posted something relevant on my blog. With everything that’s happening in school, I tend to forget that I still have this “blog” to maintain. Haha. To be honest, a lot has changed this school year. Aside from my extreme laziness in blog writing, I’ve embraced life as a semi-ordinary student (will explain why next time) and my new short hair! Yep. It’s much shorter this time around and though I’ve posted photos about my new look, some people still don’t know why I chose to chop off those long locks. In fact, I’m celebrating my first month of having short hair.
Last March 15, 2014, I was invited as a guest student speaker in the CAL NSTP Culminating activty. I already mentioned it in this blog entry. Here’s a copy of my speech during the program.
Magandang hapon po sainyong lahat.
Ilang taon na ang nakalipas ng ako ay naupo din sa inyong kinalalagyan ngayon, nakinig din sa isang student speaker, inalala ang mga nangyari sa dalawang semester na pagkakaroon ng NSTP. At saka ko napagtanto na ang National Service Training Program pala minsan ay parang pagmamahal, makikita mo lang ang kahalagahan kapag nawala na.
A lot has been said about the NSTP. Whether it is the CWTS, LTS or ROTC. Alam niyo na kung bakit kailangan niyo to itake. Kung ano silbi ng R.A. 9163 or National Service Training Program Act of 2011. Kilala niyo na ang professors niyo, classmates niyo, yung mga tao sa baranggay na pupuntahan niyo. Nakapag immersion na din kayo. Pero alam ko na kahit alam niyo na ang mga ito, may iba sainyo na hindi niyo pa din ito nagustuhan.
Bilang isang first year student noon, naranasan ko din pong kamuhian (big word) ang subject na nag rerequire sayong pumasok tuwing sabado. Marami ang may issue sa NSTP, kesyo nakakapagod, kesyo pa-major, kesyo ang daming requirements. Noong una, kasama ako sa mga taong tamad pumasok sa NSTP class nila pero pilit na ginagawan ng paraan para lang makapagcomply sa requirements. Sino ba naman ang hindi madadala dun sa sinasabi nilang “Kung wala kang NSTP, hindi ka makakagraduate”. But as the weeks passed, I have come to realize the real essence of having this program. I have come to realize that as a BUeño, taking up the NSTP should not be a burden to us students, but it should be regarded as a duty shared by all. It is our duty to take the NSTP not because it’s a requirement for graduation, but because as BUeños, we’re trying to live up to the four pillars- scholarship, leadership, character and service.
Noon, sabi nila, many are called but few are chosen. Pero sa mga panahon ngayon, many are called, many are chosen, but few are willing to do the task. Many are called to serve the community, to serve the country. Many are chosen to go the extra mile. But then, truth be told, only a few are willing to do the task. As the youth of this generation, iilan na lamang ang handing mag alay ng kanilang oras para sa mga bagay na makakatulong sa ating bayan. Magkakaiba man ang rason - andiyan na ang sabog na schedule ng isang tao, ang mismatch of priorities, ang mga luho or vices, at kung ano ano pa. The youth of today are easily distracted. We are bombarded with so many things that we often forget the more important things in life. We often forget our duties as a responsible citizen of the country. We often neglect the fact, that despite having the National Service Training Program, we’re still not reaching out to the community. Would you allow yourself to be part of this group?
No. My dear friends, in every situation, the leader in us emerges. Noong mga panahong wala pa kayong pupuntahan para sa immersion. Noong panahon na may group activity at wang gumagalaw. Noong mga panahong walang magpapaphotocopy ng handout para sa finals. Noong mga panahong walang mag dadala ng mga gamit para sa community. Lalabas at lalabas ang pagka leader ninyo. As a leader, you must learn to stand up when everyone else is starting to back down. The leader should keep moving forward when everyone else wants to retreat. And most of all, the leader should instill to others the same vision that he is seeing so that they can all continue to strive harder for the goal. He should learn how to empathize because the greatest trait a leader has is not charisma, not confidence, not strength, but empathy. It’s the ability to put yourself in the shoes of other people. Yung dama mo din ang hirap nila kaya gusto mong tulungan. Yung alam mo na maganda na ang ginagawa nila, kaya iimprove mo pa. You empathize with others para mas aware ka kung pano sila tutulungan. Sabi ko kanina, marami ang distracted sainyo. Pero kailangan, matuto kayong i-tap yung inner leader sainyo, and sabihan niyo ang sarili niyo “Alam mo, wala ang distractions na yan, basta gagawin ko ang dapat kong gawin kasi nakikita ko at nararamdaman ko ang nararamdaman ng iba”
During our NSTP days, Masaya akong gumigising tuwing sabado kasi alam kong makikita ko ulit ang mga kaklase ko. Ganun din ba kayo? Masaya kasi yung grupo naming nun. Pinagmerge ang dalawang klase ng prof namin tapos ang bawat meeting para sa immersion nagiging jamming na din. Hindi naging “for compliance” lang yung subject kasi naenjoy talaga naming lahat. Pero ngayon napagisip isip ko, hindi lang jamming yung nakukuha mo sa isang NSTP class. Training ground din ito para sa isang totoong leader. Napagisip isip ko na ang mga kasama ko pala noon ang future leaders ng institusyong ito. Tingnan mo ang nasa kanan mo, tingnan mo ang nasa kaliwa mo. Malay mo, siya na ang susunod na CSC President. Malay mo siya na ang susunod na USC officer. Malay mo siya na ang susunod na ambassador. Bilang isang lider, nasa puso mo na ang pagsisilbi sa kapwa. At isa ito sa mga bagay na nakuha ko sa NSTP. I learned concepts and theories about self-awareness, leadership, volunteerism, and decision making. Pero ang pinakamaganda ay yung na-iapply ko ito sa immersion. This program is already training the students today to be future leaders of tomorrow. Kung kaya naman, panindigan niyo na, kahit madaming distractions, lead. And when you lead, you lead with all your heart.
My dear students, BUeños. Let us make a difference. Let us go against the stream. Kung sa tingin ng iba hindi na kailangan ang pagsisilbi sa inang bayan, maiba ka, pagsilbihan mo ang bayan. Kung sa tingin ng iba aksaya lang ng oras ang paglilinis sa komunidad o pagtuturo sa mga out of school youth, maiba ka, ipagpatuloy mo ang mga ginawa ninyo sa immersion. Kung sa tingin ng iba walang kwenta ang NSTP na kinukuha mo ng dalawang semester sa kolehiyo, maiba ka, mahalin mo ito at bigyan mo ng importansya. Dahil kung iisipin, mas pinapakita lang naman natin ang pagmamahal natin sa ating bayan kapag tayo ay nasa NSTP e. At kapag mahal mo ang isang bagay, kailangan, ipinaglalaban mo.
Ngayon, kayo ay magsisipagtapos na sa inyong NSTP. Siguro sasabihin ng iba “Sa wakas, wala ng Saturday classes. Sa wakas, wala ng field immersion. Sa wakas, hindi ko na makikita si ganito, si ganyan.” Pero sana masabi natin sa sarili natin “Sa wakas, ako naman ang gagalaw”. Hindi matatapos sa NSTP ang pagtulong natin sa komunidad, hindi matatapos sa NSTP ang pagmamahal natin sa ating bayan, bagkos, dito pa lang magsisimula ang lahat. I challenge all of you to do something worthwhile even after graduating in NSTP. I challenge you to live your life, making another person’s life easier. I challenge you to continue the things you’ve started. Dahil alam ko, ang magbibigay saya sa inyong mga guro, sa inyong mga kasama ngayon, sa mga tinulungan niyo ay kung Makita o malaman nila na patuloy kayong tumutulong kahit hindi na kayo iminamandahan ng paaralan.
Bilang pagtatapos, nais ko pong sabihin na ang National Service Training Program ay totoong pagmamahal, kasi kahit tapos na, kahit nawala na, alam mong may parte sayo na patuloy na magmamahal at magpapasalamat para sa lahat ng lessons at memories na inyong pinagsamahan.
I’m the least reliable person to ask for hair care tips since I’m not really “caring” with my hair (one of the reasons why I opted to cut my long locks). But here’s what I normally do. I use conditioner daily, and shampoo every other day. I don’t iron/curl/blow dry my hair, I just let it be. And always have it trimmed every month to avoid having split ends. Hehe.
Look at how messy my hair used to be. HAHA I have a shorter hair now so it’s much more manageable. :)
My mom would often tell me that there are two types of people in this world, those who experience things to remember and those who experience things to be remembered. While most of those existing may remember the things they have done in life, not all will certainly be remembered in this world. And the fear of being forgotten is one of the reasons why I have set a goal in my life: and that is to live life doing something significant.
There are different kinds of love out there and I’d like to believe that this one is something special. They say a story like this has already been written out of the book but still, I’d like to believe that this one is, indeed, something different- something special. It’s easy to say that love is this and that, but it’s much more difficult to give it meaning. I’d like to think that ours is about giving love meaning, giving it a story of it’s own, not the story people ought it to be. It’s not supposed to be that complicated, you know? If you’re happy about it and you’re not crossing other people, then it’s okay. I’m happy with how things are going. And I want it to be that way
I don’t like giving people that much power over me. That’s why I don’t’ want to attach myself that much because when I do, I always end up feeling vulnerable. And I don’t want people to see that side of me.
This will probably be the longest time that I’ll be away from home. Two months. I try to repeat it every once in awhile hoping that it’ll finally sink in but it hasn’t. Not even a bit. It feels weird because I’m used to being away from home because of the trainings and seminars that I participate in. But this time it just feels different. For the first time in my life I can feel the loneliness of being far from the people you love. For the first time I can feel like i’m missing out on things. I can feel people drifting away and I can see that they are happy with that.
And I try to be happy for them as well.
It has always been like that.
Reblogging this for fun. :-) Sana ay may ma cross out na ulit dito.
My Mom and I had a little conversation about the things I want to do in my life. I told her that I want to make the most out of it. I want to go on adventures, learn new stuff and do certain things. So in order to keep track of all the things I want to do, I decided to make my own bucketlist. I hope to accomplish everything in this list. :)
It’s when you know something very important- something others don’t know that you tend to question the fairness of this world. When you say something about it you’ll end up looking bitter. When you keep mum about it, you’ll be as naive as everyone else. Hypocrites are everywhere. They tell you things you want to hear and keep their agenda hidden. They’re foolish people taking advantage of your innocence. It’s simply frustrating and very disappointing in my part and also to those who seek the truth.
Here’s to the lack of better judgement that people have settled for.
Three years ago, I entered the university with the sole desire of graduating as Cum Laude. It sounded so good to me, as if it was music to my ears. MONTALLANA, INY M. Cum Laude. The idea may sound silly, but still it was attainable. And from that day forward, I decided that I would focus on my academics. But it only took a few weeks before the opportunities started coming. I don’t know what happened or how it happened, before I knew it, I was taking a completely different path.
Based on the things happening today. Do you think, it was right to end your last relationship?
Definitely. :) I’m happier nowadays and I believe the end of our relationship paved way for my growth. Some say it was my defense mechanism, being a workaholic and focusing on extra curricular and my academics instead of investing time with me lovelife.I don’t know what it is but I just feel happier and lighter and more mature. :) SO I think it was a good decision
what happened to your last commited relationship? Why did it end?
It wasn’t healthy anymore. We were fighting over the smallest things and we wanted different things too. Instead of growing together, we were hurting each other. We couldn’t get along. We were good friends, but we were not good in being in a relationship. So nawala na lang siya, kahit kakasimula pa lang.
People may not understand where I’m coming from, but right now, all I want is something long term. I want something that can last through time. I want someone who will stay.I know I’m too young to think of future possibilities, but I don’t want to invest on things that i’ll be losing in the end. I want things that I can keep. I want a relationship that would outlast everything. It may scare people off, i mean, napakaidealistic, right? But I believe if two people really want to be in a relationship, they should not just settle with the present, but they should also consider future plans. In God’s perfect time, I know i’ll meet the right person who will share the same vision as mine.