Death, Oblivion and How I’m fighting them both.

What I fear most in the world is not death, it’s oblivion. I mean why fear something that is bound to happen to all of us?  Death is practically there whether you like or not. But to be forgotten by people whom you’ve treasured greatly would bring the greatest heartbreak ever. And the question of whether or not people would remember me is the question that keeps me up almost every night.

I remember my Literature Professor said during one of our class discussions “Great poets don’t die, they just pass away”. These people have created something that made an impact to the society. I’m not saying that I want to be famous so that I can be remembered by people. The great poets in the world have created things that immortalized themselves. And I think that these things that would immortalize us need not to be known throughout the world. It can be simple things or simple actions that can create a huge impact to people, even if it’s just to one person.

I have doubted myself many times including my purpose for pursuing servant leadership. When things become so hard and exhausting, I would always ask myself if people actually appreciate the things that I am doing.  And when I think about it, maybe the reason why I’m so eager in helping others despite the stress that it brings me (most of the time) is because I want  them to remember me. Maybe not by my name and obviously not for the recognition. I just want these people to go forth their lives and look back at the time when the loud bubbly girl with dimples has helped them and made them smile. Serving my fellow students is probably one of the most challenging jobs in the world but it’s certainly one of the most rewarding. And whenever I see people happy because of the things I did, it also makes me happy and hopeful. Hopeful that this person who’s laughing genuinely because what I did would remember me for the rest of his life. This is one of the things I want people to remember about me- the girl who made them smile.

Every day is an opportunity for us to create an impact and immortalize ourselves. This can be in big majestic actions or just the small genuine ones. Me? I’m just trying my best just to make an impact to the lives of the people around me in the simplest way. They may not remember my name or how I look, I just want them to remember the things I did and how I touched their lives. If all these things are accomplished then I can truly say that I have lived a good life. And dying won’t be scary. Because the goal in life is not to live forever, it’s creating something that will. In my case, it’s the memories of good deeds and kindness shared to the people around me. 

The art of dealing with pain.

Of the billions and millions of people roaming around this planet that we call Earth, there would be a lot of people who would try to tear you apart. They will break you and crush you and torment you for all they care. You will get hurt, and you will feel pain- a great amount of pain from people who may or may not matter that much. Selfish people exist, and yes, we do not live in a perfect world.

If it hasn’t sunk in to you yet or you just want to get a repeated dose of reality, then here: WE ARE ALL DOOMED TO LIVE A LIFE OF NEVER ENDING TRIALS AND DEVASTATING CHANGES BECAUSE THE WORLD IS IMPERFECT AND IT’S DEFINITELY NOT FAIR. The world is filled with cruel people. Crueler than you could ever imagine. And in the billions existing, only a thousand would comprise the ones who want to bring you down.

But do you really think they’re important? Do you think every single person of the one thousand people would really be able to inflict that much pain to you? And do you really think you would carry that same amount of pain forever?

No.

I don’t think so. Because in that one thousand, only a hundred or may be a fewer would matter. And only a few would last for a reasonable amount of time.

Pain is inevitable. It’s all around us. Just like what I’ve said, the world is an imperfect place. But then again, we get to choose who inflicts the greatest pain in our lives. If a stranger calls you ugly, you will not bother that much. But if someone special tells you that, for sure, you will feel heartbroken. Same scenario, different people, different degree of pain. Because if someone really does matter, then we would really be affected by what they say or do. 

Truth betold: We have a say on who can hurt us and who would hurt us more. 

The world is an imperfect place filled with imperfect people creating imperfect scenarios just to give someone an imperfect life. And that’s enough reason for you to fall apart. But then we are the masters of our life. And we get to have a say on who matters and who doesn’t. If those imperfect people are causing you unreasonable pain, then leave them.

Someone who recently got his heart broken asked me, “Until when will I feel this pain, when will i stop crying?”

My answer was simple: Until you tell yourself to suck it up and carry on. 

You can never stop people from hurting you. And you can never stop yourself from feeling the pain that you’re supposed to feel. But you can always choose who would hurt you and until when you would feel hurt. Because we are the masters of our lives, and we have the power to choose the things that would count.

Despite the world’s imperfections, there would still be those who are happy inhabiting it. Despite the many trials one encounters, there would still be those who would rise up to be as glorious and triumphant. Yes, You can argue that they might be happy people by nature or they were born strong and destined to be great.

But I say, they have just mastered the art of dealing with pain.

What we can and cannot do will depend on what we WANT to happen.

Situation: If you don’t want to ride a bike, then you can’t ride one. Simply because you don’t know how to ride one and that’s because you never  tried.

We set our own limits, we build our own walls. If you say you can’t do something then you won’t be able to do it. That’s for certain. But if you say you can do something, and if you put your heart in it, then you will be able to find ways to do it. Just like the first law of motion, if there is no force, then there will be no changes in the speed or position of the object. If you don’t exert effort to achieve the things you want to have in life, then you will never improve, you will never move.

We have a say on the things that we are capable of doing and the things that we will do. Which makes us responsible for whatever that would happen to us in the future. Because in one way or another, we have decided on what our future will be. What will happen to us in the future will depend on what we want to happen to us today.

11 Promises you must make to yourself.

“I promise…”

  1. “I will accept everything I am, and everything I am not.” – Self-worth comes from one thing: thinking that you are worthy.  So be confident.  Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to be something we aren’t.  Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is only when you accept everything you are, and aren’t, that you will truly find happiness and success. 
  2. “I will appreciate others for who they are.” – Sometimes the way you think about a person isn’t the way they are.  On the outside, maybe they laugh, and maybe they cry; but you would be surprised at everything they keep deep inside.  So pay close attention, and love the people you care about for who they are, and not for who you want them to be.  In the long run, this is how you will get the best of them.
  3. “I will speak kindly and consciously to others.” – Open your mind before you open your mouth.  Don’t mix bad words with a bad mood.  Just be calm and deal with your emotions.  You’ll have many opportunities to change your mood, but you’ll have an extremely tough time recovering the words you have spoken.

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The problem with people is that we focus too much on how change has affected US rather than looking at how it affected others. It’s not about  our individual preferences, it’s about our responsibilities. If it is for the betterment of the common good, then why hinder it? It’s not about the things we would gain, it’s about the duties that we should fulfill. As role models of the community, we should look out for others and think of how our actions could affect them. We keep on promoting equality and fairness, yet the people around us aren’t feeling equality and fairness at all. Isn’t it ironic?

Kaya hindi umaasenso ang Pilipinas e.

1:54.

May ibang tao na bigla na lang mawawala tapos iiwanan ka na lang ng sandamakmak na tanong. Ano ba nagawa ko? Saan ba ako nagkulang? May pag-asa pa bang maayos ang lahat? Mga tanong na walang ibang makakasagot kung hindi siya lang din. Pero minsan nagtatanong tayo, hindi na dahil sa mahal pa natin ang tao. Nagtatanong na lang tayo kasi gusto na natin matahimik.

Parang mga kaluluwa lang yan na patambay tambay lang sa kanto kasi hindi pa nahahanap ang katawan nila o kaya naman hindi pa nakakamit ang hustisya na matagal na nilang inaasam. Tayo na mga nabubuhay pa, kapag iniwan ng mahal natin ay hindi rin matatahimik. Marami ang nagmumukmok, umiiyak, yung iba nagiisip pang magpakamatay. Hindi ko rin sila masisisi. Kanya kanya kasi tayo ng coping mechanisms e. Pero kung mayroon mang pagkakapareho ang lahat ng mga ito, yun ay yung kanilang kailangan, closure.

Kailangan ng closure para matahimik na ang tao. Kung hindi mo kasi bibigyan ng closure e hindi mo din alam kung paano mag momove on. Ang hirap mag move on kung hindi mo alam ang pinangagalingan. Malay mo din kasi hindi pa pala yun yung pinaka end ninyong dalawa. Edi aasa naman siya. Pinahirapan mo pa. Kung bibigyan mo ng maayos na pagtatapos ang inyong kwento matutulungan mo pa siya. Hindi mo na kailangan pag sabihin na mahal mo pa siya kaya mo ginagawa ang mga ginagawa mo. Sabihin mo lang yung totoong nangyari at tapusin mo na yun. Yun yun e.

Ang lahat ng kwento, kailangan may maayos na pagtatapos. Tragic man yan o kaya happy ending, basta’t may ending okay na. Hindi yung bigla mong bibitin ang tao. Hindi nila alam kung magaantay pa sila ng susunod na kwento o bigla na lang

A true leader knows when to say NO.

At the end of the day we are all human beings. All of us have limitations. Saying ‘Yes’ to people when you know that you can no longer do the assigned task is not a heroic deed. It is not an act done by a hero. You can’t even be considered a martyr. Saying Yes despite the fact that you cannot function well is a foolish decision. A true leader knows when to say no. A leader can break barriers, they can do tasks that go beyond the expectations of others. But these leaders don’t just say yes. Before they said Yes to that one task, they have already declined the others. Because that’s a decision all of us should make.

When should I accept something? When should I decline?

If I say yes to this task, I will be held liable. I am accepting the responsibility to accomplish the task that would benefit the people I serve.But if I say yes and I fail, I am not just embarrassing my name. My decision would affect the people I serve and they might just be endangered by my shortcomings.

Some people would tell you that there’s nothing wrong in trying, there’s nothing wrong in taking risks, true. But then again a true leader does not take risks that are too risky. They will not take risks just because. They take the risks they know they can handle.

Sabi nga nila, kung hindi na kaya magsabi lang.That’s one of the greatest lessons I have learned from Nanay, our guidance counselor. It’s one lesson all leaders should know. Kung sasabihin mong oo pero hindi mo kaya. Ang maapektuhan yung taong pinagsisilbihan mo, hindi ikaw. Kasi ginawa mo yung desisyon na yun para sakanila. Dapat welfare nila ang iniisip mo. At kahit na malaki ang expectations nila, hindi naman nila ineexpect na magagawa mo lahat. Kaya darating at darating ang panahon na kailangan mo din magturn down ng mga bagay bagay. I hope this makes sense.

(Source: rustyoldboat)

The thing about remembering the past is that you get to think of the what if’s that could have made a total difference.

Now is not the right time for anything. My mind is filled with what-if’s and if i don’t rest now, I’m not sure if I could sleep for the rest of the night. I’ve always said that I don’t regret any decision I made.But then again, things aren’t absolute. Things will never be absolute. And as long as I continue my life, I know that my past will continue to follow me, reminding me of the things that I am missing now.