"There’s this mild torture in not hearing from you before going to sleep."
"Casting out the darkness in my life may sound impossible. But knowing that I’ll be facing every challenge with you by my side is more than enough for me."

I don’t like giving people that much power over me. That’s why I don’t’ want to attach myself that much because when I do, I always end up feeling vulnerable. And I don’t want people to see that side of me.

"There was an indescribable pain in seeing the joy in their faces. It felt wrong for so many reasons. I just can’t figure out why. Why?"
— Uncategorized

This will probably be the longest time that I’ll be away from home. Two months. I try to repeat it every once in awhile hoping that it’ll finally sink in but it hasn’t. Not even a bit. It feels weird because I’m used to being away from home because of the trainings and seminars that I participate in. But this time it just feels different. For the first time in my life I can feel the loneliness of being far from the people you love. For the first time I can feel like i’m missing out on things. I can feel people drifting away and I can see that they are happy with that.
And I try to be happy for them as well.
It has always been like that.


It’s when you know something very important- something others don’t know that you tend to question the fairness of this world. When you say something about it you’ll end up looking bitter. When you keep mum about it, you’ll be as naive as everyone else. Hypocrites are everywhere. They tell you things you want to hear and keep their agenda hidden. They’re foolish people taking advantage of your innocence. It’s simply frustrating and very disappointing in my part and also to those who seek the truth.

Here’s to the lack of better judgement that people have settled for. 

Three years in the making.

Three years ago, I entered the university with the sole desire of graduating as Cum Laude. It sounded so good to me, as if it was music to my ears. MONTALLANA, INY M. Cum Laude. The idea may sound silly, but still it was attainable. And from that day forward, I decided that I would focus on my academics. But it only took a few weeks before the opportunities started coming. I don’t know what happened or how it happened, before I knew it, I was taking a completely different path.

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You’re my only real friend, Let’s not ruin it. -Sally, The Art Of Getting By


This one’s a line from the movie we watched yesterday, The Art of Getting By. I don’t want to spoil the story (in case you haven’t watch it yet) so I’ll just focus on this line by Sally Howe. Looking at a boy-girl friendship.


Perhaps everyone of us has that one friend whom we can completely trust and be comfortable with. Someone we can talk to about anything, be it personal issues or just normal chit chats. Someone who accepts us, despite our many imperfections. Someone who understands us in every way possible. Someone who will stay with us, even when our actions seem like driving them away.  And someone who we can call “REAL Friend”.

We might not have lots of them, but having just one real friend is enough. They’re genuine people, and seldom do we find another one like them. I’ve read a quote before saying “True Friends are like diamonds, precious and rare” and I guess that speaks a lot about friends. Anyone can have acquaintances, colleagues, or friends, but not all can have TRUE Friends. They are that important.

But not everything in this world is permanent right? Things come up and sometimes our relationships with these special people in our lives are stained. We lose control of our emotions and this causes us to lose the important people too. There are many reasons why we lose our true friends. But I’d just focus on this one, because it’s related to the movie.


I guess we’re not new to the idea of falling in love. Thing is, when you fall for someone, anyone, you just feel it. But when it’s for a person you are close with, your true friend, best friend, close friend or whatever you call it, you do your best to avoid it. You deny the feelings because you don’t want to ruin your relationship with that person. And I can’t blame you for that. Sometimes it’s hard to have a romantic relationship with a friend because you’re risking your friendship. I’ve been in that situation and I tell you the risk is not worth it.

You might agree or disagree with me, but i stand for what I said. Romantic relationships are complicated, and the good thing about having a true friend is that when your relationship with that special someone falls, you still have good friends who would cheer you up. But that wouldn’t be the case if you have a relationship with your friend right?

And I’m not saying that Friends don’t fight each other. But unlike couples, friends eventually settle issues faster than them. I don’t think any romantic relationship can equal a genuine friendship. That’s why I won’t sacrifice friendship for petty feelings. Especially if those feelings are just temporary. You know, our emotions can be heightened by abrupt events. Just because you feel something, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s love(the romantic one).


Relationships come and go, but true friends stay. 


Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not saying that falling for a friend, or having a relationship with one is wrong. It’s not. But I’m telling you it would be hard. And when things go wrong or when they go the other way, You can’t simply put things back to how it used to be. Truth is, you can’t bring back your old relationship with that person. If you’re unlucky you would just be strangers or acquaintances. But if not, you would have a relationship that’s a lot stronger than the one before. I just wish you have the latter one. 

This article was published in Definitely Filipino: http://definitelyfilipino.com/blog/2012/05/08/just-friends/

"There are a lot of things I want to do but it wouldn’t be complete if I don’t do it with you."
— Uncategorized

I know I’m not the smartest, but I’m definitely not dumb. And if there’s one thing I want to do, that is to look out for myself so that I don’t get hurt. I don’t want to experience the same thing that has caused me pain. Who would even want that? Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I over think and I always end up having presumptions. It’s difficult, you know? Like every time you’d like to try something new and give something or someone a shot you’ll always compare the experience to something you’ve once felt and you’d compare it to the road you’ve once walked in and then you’ll just back out. You’ll back out because you know how things will go and how it would end.  People say that I’m one of the bravest people that they have ever met, but i’d like to think otherwise. I’m not saying it because of self-pity, I’m saying it because I really think, that in most aspects, i’m one of the most cowardly people ever to have existed on earth. And in order to secure myself from the dangers of the world, I’ll just stay here and avoid the things that would often lead me to the same heartbreak I’ve experienced a few years back.  Sure I can manage other things, but when we talk about things like these, I’d rather stay in my comfort zone. I’ll stay here until someone can finally convince me it’s okay to try something new. Until someone can also look out for me.