Ideal.

My ideal relationship is one that’s filled with adventures, complete with happiness and heartbreaks and bound by our imperfections. I don’t need a guy to complete me. I need someone to compliment me and maybe challenge me at times. We may not agree on things, and it’s okay. We may not see each other every day, and it’s okay. We may not talk every time, and still it would be okay. Because the times we spend together would be more than enough, enough  to even cover the times we’d spend apart. I would have my personal space, he would have his own. I want us to keep our own identity while growing together as a couple. I don’t want to dictate him with the things he should and should not do. But I want him to know the things I don’t like and initiate on his own. I, on the other hand, would not want to be dictated by others, let alone be dictated by a guy (feminist instincts) that’s why I refuse to be dictated by him. But if there’s one thing I can do, that is to listen to him. We will not impose rules on each other because we’re wise enough to know what the other wants. We would look good together. Not because we’re PDA, but because we’re true to ourselves. We will accept each other’s imperfections and try to fill out each other’s shortcomings. We would not dream of forever, but we would work on it every day. We would  have good and bad days and we’ll love each other no matter what. We will argue about religion and politics, we will get into fights, big and small ones. But we will never lose hope. We will surprise each other with big and even intimate gestures. We will never be the boring couple or be the couple that loses themselves to indifference. We’ll go on adventures, lots of it. And we will go to places. We’ll create many memories and we’ll make every moment count.

Because when the right guy comes, the ideal relationship won’t be too far fetched. It may be idealistic, but I’m willing to wait patiently for it. Because these are the things that are definitely worth keeping. 

"There are a lot of things I want to do but it wouldn’t be complete if I don’t do it with you."
— Uncategorized
I don’t believe in.

Here are the things, mostly cliche, that I don’t believe in and that has left me wondering why they even exist. 

  • I don’t believe in love at first sight.
    L
    ove goes beyond the physical appearances of people. You could be attracted to someone without falling in love with him/her. But you can always love someone without completely being attracted to him/her.  I think people should love with their hearts, not with their eyes. Because our eyes can deceive us from time to time.
  • I don’t believe in the saying “first love never dies”
    Love is not a race on who would be the first boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes true love can be found somewhere in the middle even the last. But it’s not about who you’re with now or who you were with in the past, It’s about who you’re with the last. Because if the love you share is not genuine. then it wouldn’t definitely last. I fell in love once, and I’m still waiting to fall in love again. I know in my heart I have moved on and that I’m no longer infatuated with that person before. 
  • I no longer don’t believe in daysaries/monthsaries/special love holidays.
    Yes, once upon a time in my life I did celebrate monthsaries with my special someone but if I could just take it back I would because  that was so childish. Love should not be measured by the days you spend together, it’s measured by the things that you have shared. Counting the days that you’re together is like having a countdown of you’re relationship. Like waiting for a time bomb to explode, like waiting for a deadline- an expiration date. People should just let Love work on its magic and savor the moments that they are together. Besides, love doesn’t require a specific date for you to show someone how you feel.  
  • I don’t believe in Valentine’s.
    This is quite debatable since I do celebrate Valentine’s with people I love. My friends to be specific. But still, I think giving out flowers, chocolates and stuffed toys on Valentine’s is just an excuse people use to spend some money and gain “pogi points” for the ladies.  Others just celebrate it because everyone else does. I mean, if you have genuine love for someone, then show them you love them on an ordinary day. Valentine’s is not a holiday for couples to celebrate and single people to curse. In fact, it’s not even a holiday,for me it’s just another normal day.
  • I don’t believe in soul mates.
    There’s no such thing as a perfect match. There will come a time that you would love someone whom you would disagree and fight with. You would be dysfunctional together- but that’s okay. You would love each other still. Because that’s true love. We keep on picturing our soul mates thinking that they are like this and that, that you will be doing this and that. But I think the more we think of our soul mates the lesser our chances of finding them. There is no perfect match for us, just the right person.
  • I don’t believe in “forever”.
    I explained it (here) before. Forever is not a promise we make.It is something we act on everyday. That is why I don’t believe people who claim to love someone forever because it has infinite possibilities. And in that infinity, problems and break ups will eventually arise. Every day should be considered as a forever for the both of you. 
  • I don’t believe in SWEET words and promises.
    "I will wait for you." "I’ll love you forever" "You will always be the one" — Obviously these statements have been abused for quite some time now. Yes it may sound nice but i’ve heard it before and no one stood by what they said so I don’t believe in it anymore. Not to sound bitter or anything, but it would be better if people just did it instead of just promising anything.

But if there’s something I believe in, it would be LOVE. Genuine love. I don’t believe in the things stated above because for me, those are just add-ons. They do not give meaning to love. They do not give justice to love. It just complicates the true essence of love. Love is supposed to be a great thing yet people throw it away like it’s nothing. Love in its simplest form can be found in the simple actions one makes. It does not require grand romantic gestures. It does not require a formula to make it work. It does not require standards or physical abilities. It only requires a sincere heart. A heart that will do, not a heart that will say. Because we love with actions, not with words. A lot of people forget that. They attach different things to love- dates, standards, flowers, promises, chocolates etc. but love is not felt with the day you spend or the things you receive, It is felt with the sincerity in your actions. 

Some people are wondering why it’s so hard for me to open my heart to someone new. I guess, you can find the answers here. I am not opening my heart to anyone right now because no one has shown me true love yet. If I would love again, I want it to be someone who has understood me and my idea of love. Because I love love. And I don’t want anyone to mess it up for me.

1:17

I know I’m not the smartest, but I’m definitely not dumb. And if there’s one thing I want to do, that is to look out for myself so that I don’t get hurt. I don’t want to experience the same thing that has caused me pain. Who would even want that? Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I over think and I always end up having presumptions. It’s difficult, you know? Like every time you’d like to try something new and give something or someone a shot you’ll always compare the experience to something you’ve once felt and you’d compare it to the road you’ve once walked in and then you’ll just back out. You’ll back out because you know how things will go and how it would end.  People say that I’m one of the bravest people that they have ever met, but i’d like to think otherwise. I’m not saying it because of self-pity, I’m saying it because I really think, that in most aspects, i’m one of the most cowardly people ever to have existed on earth. And in order to secure myself from the dangers of the world, I’ll just stay here and avoid the things that would often lead me to the same heartbreak I’ve experienced a few years back.  Sure I can manage other things, but when we talk about things like these, I’d rather stay in my comfort zone. I’ll stay here until someone can finally convince me it’s okay to try something new. Until someone can also look out for me.