One Last Hurrah

Prior to this post, I was trying to recall my past experiences as a student leader in the university. I can’t believe that it has already been three years since I first started my journey as a student leader. Indeed, a lot of things happened, most of them were unplanned, and yet here I am, still doing the same thing that has brought joy and tears in my life. Whenever I think about it, I can’t believe it has been three years already. Some of my friends would often tell me, maybe the reason why I’m not in a relationship is because I have committed myself fully to the council. Three years of committing myself in a council that has given me bittersweet memories. And now, I don’t know if I’m ready to let go.

When I lost the election, I did not cry because someone else won. I cried because I don’t think I was ready to let go of the council. I cried because people cried for my loss, and I believe they felt how hard it was for me to see someone else lead the council that I have loved for the past three years. I was not devastated, but I was not okay either. Still, I kept my feelings to myself because I wanted to be strong for others. I was very vocal about my love for the council. I love the council not because of the perks but because it loved me back. The officers loved me back. The students loved me back. The work, no matter how stressful it was, I felt that it loved me back (because it clung to me almost everywhere I go LOL). Some people may not understand it, but it takes a great deal of passion, commitment, discipline and determination to last in the council. And most of all, the council requires the heart of a student leader to bring it to life. I believe I possessed it all, but still like any other love story, someone had to face rejection. I guess for this story, it was me who got rejected.

The only thing that’s keeping me sane after everything that happened is the students. A great number of students and student leaders are still here to support me. They still love me, even though I feel that I am in my most unlovable state. When you think about it, I’m still the loser. Even if they say “you’re my chairperson”, it won’t change the fact that I still lost. But then I remember, someone told me that anyone can deal with victory, but only the mighty can bear defeat. And it enlightens my mind, and eases the pain in my heart.

There are nights when I would ask myself, had I played differently, would I have won the battle? But then I know it would be a waste of time since there’s nothing I can do about it now. The only thing left for me to do is to accept and let go. I’m happy that I’m ending this chapter with a lighter heart because I know I did everything I can to defend the council that I love. Not because I’m loyal to it, but because the council is something you fight for until the very end. I’m happy that I’m ending this chapter without bringing other people down or without spreading false rumors. I’m happy that I’m ending this chapter without insulting other people or the council itself. I’m happy that i’m ending this chapter without tearing the hearts of others or dividing the group. I’m happy that I’m ending this chapter knowing that I played a part in uniting the student leaders from different parties. I’m happy that I’m ending this chapter knowing that I fought not just for the ordinary students but for all the students, including the student leaders of this university.  

I have invested three years of my life in the council. And I have worked hard to be in this place. No one can take that away from me.  But maybe in the next academic year, it’s time for me to invest in something else. It’s time for me to let go. But letting go does not necessarily mean forgetting. The council will always have a special place in my heart. And as the line from the movie goes, “I can never unlove you. I just love you in a different way now”. This is not the time for good bye, but it’s time for me to move on. I believe it’s time for me to dream another dream. It’s my last year and maybe I should focus on myself. I don’t know. But one thing’s for sure, I may have lost in my bid, but I am never defeated. You can still see me elsewhere, I still don’t know where, but I know you’ll see more of me.

To end this, I would like to share to you my short conversation with one of my Seniors. I asked him, "Do you think Bicol University will remember me?”, and he answered, “They will remember you- even in the years to come”.

And it was all I needed to hear.

"

Hey if i were a guy i’d take the risk. I’d go for someone who brings out something in me that I seldom see. I’d go with the girl who challenges me, the one who can make me feel a million emotions at the same time. I’d go for the girl who can make me smile, laugh and most of all make me happy.

"

Me while talking to a friend. Haha. This is why I don’t have a boyfriend. 

Real Talk

I must admit, I do feel jealous whenever I see happy couples in the streets. I feel envious whenever I hear my cousins talk about their love life. I feel left out whenever my friends would spend time with their loved ones instead of going out with me. I always get this uneasy feeling whenever my Mom and Dad talk about being in a relationship. But I choose not to let the feelings show simply because it’s not a ‘big deal’. I’d rather not show my emotions because I believe there’s a need for me to be tough so that people won’t hurt me.
But just so you guys know, I don’t really hate men. I haven’t turned my back on love and I didn’t really close my heart from everyone.
I still believe in love and all its grandness. I don’t hate men, just the boys who are wandering around. I did not close my heart, I just set up walls that are high. Maybe in that way I can really see who’s willing to go the extra mile for me.
Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism or just a cowardly act. Still, I don’t think people would understand. Soooo I just chose to keep everything to myself. Ngayon alam niyo na. Hindi ako manhid. Careful lang :-)

"Love is a complex issue. You know, I mean, it’s like, uh. I mean, yes, I had told somebody that I love them before, and I had meant it. Was it totally a totally unselfish, giving love? Was it a beautiful thing? Not really, you know. It’s like love, I mean, uh, I don’t know. You know?"
— Jesse, Before Sunrise
Littlemissinym GOT FILED v.2.0

My apologies for being MIA in the blogosphere for awhile. I just had to attend to some school related stuff plus I just arrived from Cebu the other day. December has been a very busy month for me. I think I have been very busy the whole year. But despite being ngarag and stressed, 2013 was pretty awesome. I think I have shared the highlights of every month and all the new experiences so I don’t have to write about it again. BUT because my year was prolly the best year in my life, it is only fitting that I end it with a BANG! And what better way to do it than a blog giveaway? :D

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I am happy to work with our good friends from FILED! for another year-end giveaway. I really enjoyed getting FILED! last year. If you can still remember, we gave away one 2013 black doodle planner last year. And yes, we will give out the latest doodle planner again this year! Thus the Littlemissinym GOT FILED v.2.0.

The 2014 doodle planner has new features but still packed with all the goodies you need to have a fun and exciting planning of your activities. 

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*New pen bandolier. IT’S ABSOLUTELY FREE!

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More spacious monthly and daily views, and of course my favorite, the notes section! I used to write all over my 2013 planner because I tried to squish in some notes in school. Haha It was pretty messy.

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Here’s the page muncher! If you’re the artsy type. You can make a whole bunch of page munchers!

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MOODI INVASION. I want one too. :3 You can get this for FREE when you buy online or in their bazaars or in their office. 

Here are some other features of the 2014 doodle planner:

  • 18 cm x 13 cm x 2 cm
  • Available in black and white
  • Matte laminate cover and smythe sewn binding
  • Page Muncher template for you to make your own bookmark!
  • Doodle fun pages per month to design and color
  • More spacious monthly and daily views and additional Notes pages
  • Monthly expense tracker
  • Moodi, the mood tracker, of course!
  • Life and 2014 plans
  • Movies to see, books to read, places to visit and restaurants to try
  • Kraft pocket
  • Date starts on December 9, 2013
  • All online orders for shipping also come with a planner box!

Amazing right?

I super enjoyed my 2013 planner. And I just can’t wait to get my hands on the new planner. :3 To share the happiness found in organizing, I will be giving out ONE 2014 DOODLE PLANNER to one lucky follower. All you have to do is follow these steps.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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My 2013 FILED! Doodle Planner. :)

The contest is open to  Philippine residents only.

I just got filed, how about you? :) Check out FILED!’s website by clicking the photo below:

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