Just because people look good together, doesn’t mean they should be together. And just because they’re dysfunctional together, doesn’t mean their relationship can no longer work. Sometimes love exists in places few people seek.
I will always be that friend who’s good at giving advice but is not capable of following it. We have heard stories about people like me, but no one fully understood, why people like me existed. Maybe you really can’t have everything. Maybe the gift of wisdom is not something you take on your own, but something you share with others. And that wisdom can only be retrieved from one’s personal experiences that’s why people like me always have the hardest downfall. People like me always get the worst seed. Sometimes I ask myself, is it fair that I am clueless with how to deal with my personal life when in fact, I had answers and solutions to the problems of other people? Why is that? I believe that what I have is a gift. And it delights me whenever people learn from the things that I say. Or when I make things easier for the people I care for. But there are times, and God were they many, when all I wanted was to give advice to myself. All I wanted was to solve my problems. And be there for myself. Just like how I was there for others.
Thoughts of a lady who just turned eighteen.
Last October 20, I got to celebrate my eighteenth birthday. It was just a simple celebration. I invited friends for dinner at our house and we just played around and talked. It was a short breather for the USC since we have an upcoming event this week and it was also a mini reunion for my high school friends and the Team Bananas (our team who went to Korea last July) who have been very much busy with their own lives and problems in their respective colleges.
Life has not always been easy, but I managed to survive. And with that, I am happy.
My name is Iny M. Montallana. I’m 17 years old. I don’t know what my name means but some people relate it to the Chinese words for “I love You” which is Wo Ai Ni. I have an older sister who just recently passed the Nursing Board exam. My Dad is an OFW working in America. My Mom, on the other hand, is a teacher and also a registered nurse. It may sound like the normal family of four, but we are nowhere near the word normal. I don’t mean it in a negative way. I just think normal would really be inappropriate to describe this family that I have. You may say unique, but that would be underrated. Maybe we’re just a contemporary family. Just a little between happy and dysfunctional.
The world has gone forward and here I am stuck in my own shell. Sometimes I think of keeping my circle small. Like being friends with a few people and just forget about everyone else. I wonder what kind of world that would be. I think it would be easier. Because it’s really hard to meet people who would make a huge impact in your life and then they will suddenly leave you for reasons that you can no longer control. I’m not good at saying good bye. I’m not good at moving forward. I have separation issues. That’s why I don’t want to be too attached to people because when people leave, it would hurt. When people say good bye, it would hurt. When they move forward, it would hurt. Everything will hurt and the sad part is I would be hurting alone. ~
The art of dealing with pain.
Of the billions and millions of people roaming around this planet that we call Earth, there would be a lot of people who would try to tear you apart. They will break you and crush you and torment you for all they care. You will get hurt, and you will feel pain- a great amount of pain from people who may or may not matter that much. Selfish people exist, and yes, we do not live in a perfect world.
If it hasn’t sunk in to you yet or you just want to get a repeated dose of reality, then here: WE ARE ALL DOOMED TO LIVE A LIFE OF NEVER ENDING TRIALS AND DEVASTATING CHANGES BECAUSE THE WORLD IS IMPERFECT AND IT’S DEFINITELY NOT FAIR. The world is filled with cruel people. Crueler than you could ever imagine. And in the billions existing, only a thousand would comprise the ones who want to bring you down.
But do you really think they’re important? Do you think every single person of the one thousand people would really be able to inflict that much pain to you? And do you really think you would carry that same amount of pain forever?
I don’t think so. Because in that one thousand, only a hundred or may be a fewer would matter. And only a few would last for a reasonable amount of time.
Pain is inevitable. It’s all around us. Just like what I’ve said, the world is an imperfect place. But then again, we get to choose who inflicts the greatest pain in our lives. If a stranger calls you ugly, you will not bother that much. But if someone special tells you that, for sure, you will feel heartbroken. Same scenario, different people, different degree of pain. Because if someone really does matter, then we would really be affected by what they say or do.
Truth betold: We have a say on who can hurt us and who would hurt us more.
The world is an imperfect place filled with imperfect people creating imperfect scenarios just to give someone an imperfect life. And that’s enough reason for you to fall apart. But then we are the masters of our life. And we get to have a say on who matters and who doesn’t. If those imperfect people are causing you unreasonable pain, then leave them.
Someone who recently got his heart broken asked me, “Until when will I feel this pain, when will i stop crying?”
My answer was simple: Until you tell yourself to suck it up and carry on.
You can never stop people from hurting you. And you can never stop yourself from feeling the pain that you’re supposed to feel. But you can always choose who would hurt you and until when you would feel hurt. Because we are the masters of our lives, and we have the power to choose the things that would count.
Despite the world’s imperfections, there would still be those who are happy inhabiting it. Despite the many trials one encounters, there would still be those who would rise up to be as glorious and triumphant. Yes, You can argue that they might be happy people by nature or they were born strong and destined to be great.
But I say, they have just mastered the art of dealing with pain.
I don’t believe in.
Here are the things, mostly cliche, that I don’t believe in and that has left me wondering why they even exist.
But if there’s something I believe in, it would be LOVE. Genuine love. I don’t believe in the things stated above because for me, those are just add-ons. They do not give meaning to love. They do not give justice to love. It just complicates the true essence of love. Love is supposed to be a great thing yet people throw it away like it’s nothing. Love in its simplest form can be found in the simple actions one makes. It does not require grand romantic gestures. It does not require a formula to make it work. It does not require standards or physical abilities. It only requires a sincere heart. A heart that will do, not a heart that will say. Because we love with actions, not with words. A lot of people forget that. They attach different things to love- dates, standards, flowers, promises, chocolates etc. but love is not felt with the day you spend or the things you receive, It is felt with the sincerity in your actions.
Some people are wondering why it’s so hard for me to open my heart to someone new. I guess, you can find the answers here. I am not opening my heart to anyone right now because no one has shown me true love yet. If I would love again, I want it to be someone who has understood me and my idea of love. Because I love love. And I don’t want anyone to mess it up for me.
Forever is not a promise that you should make, it’s something you act on. We keep on blaming circumstances for broken promises of forever, but we seldom think of our own shortcomings. We didn’t make our forever work, that’s why it ended. Forever is happening right now. And if people will try harder, it can definitely last long. It could definitely take eternity.
Why is it so hard for us to express how we truly feel? I mean if people were able to show their true feelings then there won’t be so many lonely hearts in this planet. We won’t play mind games anymore and we would no longer go through all those BS that life puts us through. If only people learned how to be expressive. It may be too much to ask but then again wishing about it wouldn’t hurt, right? I really find it hard to distinguish the truth from the games. Part of me wants to believe that there might be a chance that the whole thing is true, to me and to you. But then again I can’t take away the fact that may be this is just one of the silly games that you are playing. You are one selfish person. If only I knew your side, then I’ll know where to base my thoughts. If only you spoke up. But I know you won’t. Because everyone doesn’t speak up. Everyone is so scared of expressing themselves.